All about me,love,hates,music and the sky.

All about love,hates,places,music and what keeps me going

never drink coffee on a empty stomach.

i almost taste the flavour of death today.
haha might sound abit too much.. but i really felt like dying today, just cos i drank coffee on an empty stomach tis afternoon.
was on my way back to school to do assignments(again) and i was feeling really sleepy so i thought i go get a cup of coffee to wake me up since the assignment i'm gonna do's gonna take awhile to finish.
but guess what.
when i entered the room.. i see Justin.
which means.. no work can be done today =X
and he again had that "why are u in school" kind of face.
lol.
it just so happen that i always see him in school almost everyday, even on the days where i dont have his lessons.
is that a good thing or bad thing? =X

anyways. i just walked off when i knew they had recording in the afternoon.
practically no hope of getting my stuff done.

and so i walked and walked.
first time i felt so lost, alone.
usually i'll have some place to go and stuff like that..
but this time, really.
i dont why. and the feeling feels like shit.

so i just walked around bugis, and yar i found a place to go ultimately.

halfway home. i was feeling v bad.
like wanna puke but cant puke. and giddy all over, and having migrain.
that feeling.. really. eeew.
then i realise.
its the coffee.
=X
the journey home was a killer man.
imagine taking a 45mins ride home by bus, and feelin so helpless with yourself.
i cant do anything.. like even when i open my eyes, everything's just like whirling.
the only thing i could do is pray, and wish i'll reach home in no time =X
the first time i really really felt that.. going back heaven was the only i wanted
hahaha. stupid wish but.. yar.

so pls remind me not to ever drink coffee on an empty stomach cos it feels really shitty.

and i saw Mr Darren Keng today! =)
quite happy cos haven seen him since he entered JC.
All the Best to him, and everyone else taking Alevel in a few days time..
Jiayou! =)
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i suddenly feel like i'm gonna have a mental breakdown soon.
it feels so so REAL today.
like in one minute i have so many things running thru my head.
i kept falling into a 'i've got so many things to do, i cant handle them! oh no i'm going crazy" kind of mental stress, and i kept having to pull myself back to time and stop thinking so much.

i just realise i'm worrying over so much things..
homeworks,
how people are looking at me,
money,
things i wanna get,
my future,
church stuff,
friends..
emotions..

alot alot of things just keep running thru.. and i cant really control these stuff.
i just keep thinking i'm doing badly in everything, and i dont have confidence in myself.. and i keep comparing myself with another!
OMG. all this stuff is really piling up inside my brain and i think i'm gonna breakdown.

i think i really need a good rest.
although people always see that i'm sot sot out there, always happy-go-lucky kind..
in fact, i just realise i'm not like that.
its kinda like.. i'm not always so happy as i seem to be.
i have my things to worry about, some things that... only i'll kinda understand it only by myself.

OH NO.
i really think i'm going crazy.
maybe you'll see me disappearing from school soon because i went crazy. seriously crazy..

i just cant stop worry about my figure, my grades, my financial problems. EVERYTHING.
=X

i know its bad.
so Pray for me ok =)


WHY CANT I JUST LEAD A SIMPLE LIFE!
=(


now i cant really relate to my girlfriend in school and feel how she felt.
somethings..sometimes.. there's only you yourself to overcome and nobody else can help you.
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guys in my class kept asking me why we girls always so 'guai' to attend class, take notes, go back to school practically everyday to do work even though there's no class..
but they never realise that..
being at the bottom of the pit is something you have to struggle with.. and as a matter of fact they dont feel it because obviously they're at the better end, exposed to all the technical stuff alot earlier then me/us.. and it just takes so little of them to understand those things.
and face it, music can be a rather guy domineering industry.. just because they're good at it.

and we HAVE LIFE for goodness sake.
you know how much work we have to put in just to get to their level?
they dont understand the struggles and stress we face everyday..
just taking the reggaeton assignment for example.
i used practically 2 weeks to get it satisfied-ly done, while some just use 30mins.
its like the damn shitty, in-your-face feeling that.. we're stupid.
seriously. i do feel like that sometimes..
why they only use such short time to get stuff done whereas i need so much time and effort.

maybe i just cant compare like that.. but lookin at other stuff, we're indeed a level lower then the guys.
like livesounding.
if u put just the girls at the concert alone doing live sound(eg. setting up mixer, cables, speakers etc.) on our own..
its either we breakdown mentally or screw the whole concert up.

so really.. stop asking why we're always back in school to do work or asking why are we so 'hardworking'..
because reason being..
we or rather I, need to put in so so so much effort to get to the level that they are at.. and to keep having the energy to catch up and move on.
to know what they know.. do what they can do..
seriously lar.. the people in our class dont understand why and i dont think they wanna understand why..
and i really cant bear to skip classes since we're already having so little classes and so many assignments..
i just dont understand why people keep complaining about the little classes we're having, and still chooses to skip them.
contradicting themselves.


its a level where they wont understand why.


oh wells.
enough of my complains.
my brain's not functioning well today..
and i just need to get some things off my chest.

layout: detonatedlove
pictures: picture___graphx
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